Celebrating Giftedness

I attended a seminar yesterday on Parenting Gifted Children organized by the Philippine Center for Gifted Education, Inc. It was a whole day seminar held at the UP College of Education Training Center. I learned about the event through a homeschool group in Facebook that I’m a part of. As soon as I read the post, I got excited and asked for more details until I finally got to register for the seminar a few days before the announced date.

I was eager to learn and at the same time thrilled by the opportunity for my son to enjoy playing outdoors in UP. He enjoyed playing there the last time we went and he looks forward to it. I want to encourage him to be sporty and I saw this as a great opportunity to feed his interest and excitement to go back there and play.
 

But we had a slight concern. Our newborn baby, Mateo, breastfeeds from me exclusively. This is the first time that I’m attending a whole day seminar. I’ve been facilitating meetings after giving birth but they only last around a couple of hours. After much thought and planning, my husband and I finally devised a plan. I will attend the seminar and Mateo will breastfeed from me during breaks since we have short breaks in the morning and the afternoon and a lunch break. I will also try to express some milk so that my husband and kids can visit my parents during the day while I’m attending the seminar. My husband and I listed what we needed to bring for our trip because they are quite many. Since we had kids, going out of the house especially with an infant has become one big production number! And so we were set! We planned to leave the house around 7:30 am since the seminar will start at 9 am.
 

Alas! We woke up late… Correction, I woke up past our desired wake up time because I had been breastfeeding through the night and early morning and the next thing I knew after Mateo’s very early morning feeding was that it was already 7 am! We rushed everyone and left our house around 8 am.

On our way to the seminar venue, I kept praying that I would be on time for I did not want to miss anything. I was really excited to learn as much as I can. I wanted to understand giftedness more, learn better parenting styles especially the best parenting styles for gifted children and how to cultivate positive sibling relationships. These were the topics for the seminar. By God’s grace, we arrived just in time! I was even glad to see that the organizers had set up a play area for the kids since I informed them about my son. And yes, as we have planned, Yanthy was able to play soccer at the Sunken garden and he enjoyed running in the grass. After the seminar, I got to run with him at the Sunken Garden as well and showed him the UP School of Economics where I studied before.
 

The seminar started with a talk by Dr. Leticia Ho of the Philippine Center for Gifted Education, Inc. (PCGE). She talked about understanding giftedness. Her talk was short but it kept me on my toes all throughout, not wanting to miss any word that she’d say. She shared a number of definitions of giftedness mostly by Western experts then ended by sharing her own definition. I liked everything she said. In fact, I wanted her to talk some more and explain the many things she shared but there was no more time. Among the things she shared, what I liked the most was the PCGE’s paradigm for giftedness which included passion, excellence, intelligence/creativity and values. This was illustrated with a triangle with passion, excellence and intelligence/creativity, each one on a side of the triangle and values at the middle. It simply means that all these are factors for giftedness but the person’s values make the most impact or the biggest difference. It can either make or break the gifted person. I also liked the PCGE’s objective of helping the gifted and their parents in understanding them and their gift and in helping the gifted nourish their gift so that they can one day make a difference in our country with the gifts they have been blessed with.
 

The succeeding talks were not the kind of talks I expected but I was delighted to hear them. Most of what the speakers said were things I already knew but I was glad to hear them again in that setting because I felt that God was confirming the things that I know and want to implement in raising our children, not just my son, Yanthy, who was assessed to be a potentially gifted child at age 2. The speakers for the topic Cultivating Positive Sibling Relationships and Enhancing Parenting Style were Atty. Jehremiah Asis and his wife, Katherine Asis. They talked about the importance of vision, assignment and destiny in our lives especially to the gifted child. What struck me the most in their presentation was when Jerry said that one of our important roles as parents of gifted children is to teach our gifted children that his/her giftedness came from Someone and that Someone is God. Therefore, we need to help our gifted children discover the Giver’s purpose for his/her giftedness. This way, we take the focus from the gifted person but back to God who is the source of that gift. I have long known this principle/truth and I have been living this out in my life since I became a renewed Catholic in college when I was studying in UP. Hearing this truth yesterday enabled me to view that truth in the eyes of a parent of a gifted child this time.
 

I was happy to discover that what I’m currently doing with my potentially gifted son is right. Since he is a musically gifted boy who learns to sing songs fast and who likes playing with musical instruments, my husband and I encourage him to use his gifts in the service of the Church. And because Yanthy already knows a lot like the alphabet, numbers, reading, spelling and counting, he enthusiastically teaches these things to his baby brother by reading to him. As we discussed yesterday, I realized that truly, we need to teach our children, especially the gifted ones that their gifts are not meant for their glory but for God’s glory. Whenever we receive praise for our accomplishments, we need to give back the glory to God and point people to God who enabled us to accomplish great things through our gifts. We need to teach and remind them often that our gifts were given to us by God so that we can bless those around us and we can be God’s partners in making this world more like heaven.
 

Another thing that I liked was what Jerry shared about Joseph, son of Jacob or popularly known as Joseph, the dreamer. He said that not all of us are made to be Josephs. But that doesn’t mean that the assignments of non-Josephs are less important than the assignments of the Josephs of this world. He also said that the Josephs need to be humble and recognize that he would not be able to do his Big assignment if not for the others who do the other assignments he is not capable of doing. In the same way, the non-Josephs need to be humble to recognize and accept that God did not create everyone to be Josephs. Thus, the role of non-Josephs is to enable the Josephs to solve the Big problems that God wants them to solve. Beautiful analogy!


I thought that I needed to go to the seminar yesterday for my children’s sake alone. As I grew to understand gifted children, I came to understand myself as well. I’m no longer a child but listening to Dr. Ho talk about the qualities of gifted children and share about the gifted children she knew, made me understand myself better and my behaviors as a child. I remember that I would usually get perfect scores in my tests and I would cry whenever I made a mistake. I remember how I struggled whenever I didn’t do things right because I was a perfectionist. I remember the first time I failed a test since I entered school and I was already in UP then. I remember when I didn’t graduate in college on time and how God humbled me with that experience. And I also remember how I felt when I first published a book together with a group of other writers and when I published the book I authored. I was not assessed or diagnosed by experts to be gifted when I was a child and there were no experts who guided me aside from my parents. But I’m happy that by God’s grace I have discovered my gift in communication particularly writing and that He has led me to use these gifts to make a difference in the lives of the people around me.
 

Moreover, I was happy to discover that God led me there yesterday to stir in me once more my passion for the call/assignment He has given me. As I was listening to Jerry and Katherine, I grew to appreciate and love more my vocation, my current assignment of being a mother to my children and proclaiming God’s Word and goodness through writing and leading a community of believers. This realization was further highlighted during the last presentation and the tool shared by Alberto Fernandez in his talk on Grand Parenting as an APOstolate. The two most striking things I read from the tool called Connecting the VAD (vision, assignment, destiny) Dots were the following: first, what you love the most is a clue to your assignment; second, what grieves you is a clue to something you are assigned to heal. The other statements in the handout or tool he shared were very beautiful but most are already familiar with me. These two made the biggest impact to me yesterday as I read them.
 

I really love sharing with others how God has been good to me through writing or giving talks or testimonies and I love sharing my experiences to the youth and the working professionals. I also love having plenty of time being a hands-on mother to my kids. I felt that hearing those things yesterday was God’s way of affirming me of my present calling or assignment. Having experienced this yesterday, I now have renewed zeal in evangelizing people starting in my very own home. My inspirations yesterday were confirmed when I read and meditated the readings for today.
 

I could relate with St. Paul when he said in 1 Corinthians 9:16, "Brothers and sisters: If I preach the gospel, this is no reason for me to boast, for an obligation has been imposed on me, and woe to me if I do not preach it!" God's Word burns in my heart and I can't help but share this fire and His light.
 

The Bible verse and reflection featured today in the devotional Didache also struck me. I felt God encouraging me to push through with my plan to organize an evangelistic event to inspire and empower the youth in our community and in our parish. Jesus' words in the gospel answered the questions in my heart and mind very clearly, "We must go on to the other villages around here. I have to preach in them also, because that is why I came." (Mark 1:38) Now, I know God's purpose for making me and my family stay where we currently live right now in spite of my efforts and desire to sell our property. He still has work for me to do.
 

I thank God for the many insights that flood my mind right now as I write and for the many experiences I’ve had in the past that will serve as my teaching tools for my sons and the people God would entrust to me. I’m excited to learn more as PCGE promised to hold more seminars and organize support groups for parents of gifted children. Yesterday was a celebration for our family not only for successfully going out of the house for a whole day and spending quality time with each other but also because of discovering and rediscovering the giftedness in each one of us. Praise be to God who made us! Let me end by sharing one of my three year old son's favorite worship songs which he learned months before he turned three. It's entitled Only a God Like You by Tommy Walker.

Behavior Modification Technique for Kids at Mealtime

My very active toddler finds it hard to stay seated while eating. And when he’s already seated, he gets easily distracted by so many things even when the tv is turned off. He bends, kneels, or stands on the dining chair. Sometimes, he walks around the table. Even though he knows how to use his spoon and fork properly, he likes to play with them and pretends that they are his drum sticks. At other times, he brings along a toy or two at table even with constant reminders from us not to do so. He likes to talk or sing as well even with his mouth full.

My husband and I constantly remind him of the things he should do and not do at mealtime. We put him in the high chair which has a strap when he wouldn’t listen and keep on walking around or when he doesn’t sit properly even with a number of reminders or warnings. There were times when we scolded him and punished him by making him face the wall when he does not do what we ask him to do. Yet, until now, he still violates our mealtime rules.

This prompted me to research some more on how to make him follow our mealtime rules and on how to discipline him to take on the right behavior while at table. Since I’ve noticed that he has been following the house rules set by his teacher/therapist during their sessions, I surmised that posting our mealtime rules near our dining area where he could see them would also help. But instead of drawing happy faces on his paper or notebook like what his teacher does, I thought of the things that he likes which I could use to motivate him to cooperate and follow our mealtime rules. I decided to use happy face stickers for I noticed that he likes sticking them in his shirt. And because he likes to read plenty of books before naptime or before bedtime at night, I linked the reward to our reading time. I was inspired to do this when I read an article on manners from Smart Parenting magazine recently. There was a tip shared to reinforce good behavior. It’s called ticket takers. Let me quote: "Make a list of table manners: putting a napkin on your lap, using your utensils, eating with your mouth closed. When one of your kids performs a polite dinner act, she gets a ticket. Whoever gets the most wins an extra story before bedtime."

Here are the mechanics of our behavior modification scheme to help minimize or end our mealtime struggles. First, we came up with a poster with a few mealtime rules. My husband suggested that we focus first on a few instead of imposing all of our mealtime rules. I chose four only for the first few months of implementing it. We will just add more when he has mastered or taken on the habit of practicing the first few we’ll implement. Then, I involved our son in making our poster. I drew some pictures beside the text. I asked him to trace the letters and color the pictures. Second, we bought round neon stickers and I asked his help in drawing happy faces on them. Third, I explained to him our mealtime rules and told him that every time he follows a mealtime rule as illustrated in our poster, he gets a happy face sticker. The number of stickers he gets during the course of the day determines how many books will be read to him that day. Every three stickers is equivalent to one book. I followed the recommendation of his teacher to use three instead of five per book. She said that three would enable my son to reach his goal faster. This would motivate him to keep on following our mealtime rules. She also recommended that once my son has been used to this scheme, we can increase the number of stickers he needs to get to be able to read a book. He can choose to use these stickers before his naptime or at night before sleeping. It’s up to him if he wants to use all his stickers after lunch for his siesta or wait until night time before going to bed. Another suggestion from his teacher is to remove the sticker already in his shirt when he violates a rule he initially followed. For example, he sat properly for the first five minutes so he gets one happy face sticker. But if he stands up and walks to get something, we will remove one sticker on his shirt. Fourth, I will record our progress each day in a notebook to monitor how we are improving.

I was happy to come up with this scheme because it will address not just our mealtime struggles but also our bedtime concern. Yanthy loves being read to before sleeping and sometimes he asks me or my husband to read a number of books to him. With this scheme, we would be able to limit the number of books we would read to him before sleeping. I like this technique very much because it will not only help discipline my son at mealtime, it will also help him practice counting and decision-making. His counting skills will be reinforced as he counts all his stickers and he can also learn the concept of division as he computes how many books he can read for the day. He gets to practice his decision-making skills as he decides when to use his stickers.

I’m excited to implement this starting tomorrow! I hope we would be successful in helping him develop good table manners this time.

Nursing Challenges: Take 2!

I’m nursing again. I gave birth to our second baby more than three weeks ago and I started nursing him since day 1 as soon as I was transferred to my hospital room. I thought that nursing my second child would not give me problems since this isn’t my first time. I was confident because I successfully nursed my first born until he turned two years old. But three or four days later, I started experiencing pain in my nipples as I nursed my baby. I had sore nipples again! I wasn’t expecting this! I also had sore nipples at the beginning of my nursing adventure with my eldest son. Since I’m nursing my second baby, I thought that I would be spared now. I was wrong! And it hurt as much as before. I remember that I also cried buckets of tears during the first few weeks of nursing Yanthy because I continued to nurse him even with sore nipples. I did the same thing this time. Amid tears, I struggled to breastfeed Mateo. The difference now is that I got to use my nipple shields as soon as I experienced soreness in my nipples. My nipples still hurt even as I used nipple shields but using them early on prevented my nipples from getting damaged further. Thus, the soreness healed faster and I survived the first two weeks of breastfeeding.

Another challenge I encountered was breastfeeding every two hours, sometimes less. To say that it was tiring is an understatement. It made me sleepy, cranky, irritable, exhausted, and depressed all at the same time. Every time I had to wake up or struggle to stay awake after many days and nights of sleep deprivation, I asked myself why I’m going through all these trouble when I can take the easier route of motherhood. Why am I not giving my newborn son formula milk? If I feed him formula milk, my baby would sleep longer and will poop less often. If Mateo sleeps longer and poops less often, that would mean longer sleeping hours for me. That would also mean someone else like my husband or our maid can get up at night and feed my baby from the bottle. Isn’t that what I want? Isn’t that what every mother who just gave birth and who needs to recover from giving birth need and want? What stops me from asking our paediatrician what milk to give to Mateo?

When I was going through breastfeeding challenges the first time with Yanthy, I kept on reading literature about breastfeeding and the stories of mothers who breastfed their children successfully. My lactation consultant provided me with many reading materials that guided, helped and encouraged me. This time around, aside from reminding myself of the benefits of breastfeeding to my baby and me, I draw strength and inspiration from my eldest son. Just a look at him reminds me that breast milk is indeed best for our children. He is proof of the many promises I read in books. With him, those promises had been fulfilled. He didn’t get sick or have any illness except for colds a few times and if he did get colds, he recovered fast. He has not been hospitalized during his first three years of life. Some literature says that breastfed kids become smarter than their bottle-fed counterparts and are advanced in development in many aspects. I have seen these in Yanthy, too. To read more on the benefits of breastfeeding, click here.

So, when I sometimes question my decision to breastfeed again, I tell myself that Mateo needs my breastmilk as much as Yanthy did. I tell myself that I don’t want Mateo to be deprived of the best milk he could ever have. I remind myself that if I was able to do it for my eldest, then I can and should make the same sacrifice for my second child. These things are easier said than done especially when negative thoughts and fatigue set in after almost 24 hours of being awake and alternating between breastfeeding, burping and changing diapers. When your muscles at the nape, shoulders and upper back are already aching and hard from tension, it’s so easy to entertain these negative thoughts. But the fact and reality that deciding to stop at this point would not be the best for my baby jolts me back to breastfeeding again. Just the thought that Mateo might get sick gives me a little bit more strength to face and endure one more breastfeeding session or one more night.

I guess taking it one day or one night at a time enables me to survive. Setting short term goals also take some pressure off my already tense shoulders. Like I have made it a goal to breastfeed for one month exclusively at least. And I’m almost there… only three days to go and I would achieve that goal. Then, I can celebrate that small victory. My next short term goal is to breastfeed for six months. When I reach that goal, I will stretch it to one year. And then stretch it again to two years.

As I face these nursing challenges for the second time, there are also things that I wish would happen to make my journey a bit easier. I wish that I can just focus on breastfeeding and that someone else would take charge of burping or changing the baby’s diapers so I can sleep and rest longer. I wish that I can get massages regularly to ease my tired muscles and to help me produce more milk. I wish that I would have some “me” time every now and then so I can recharge. But while my wishes remain wishes, I do my best on doing what I can do. I focus my energy on the things within my control and influence while I continue to wish that somehow my wishes would be granted. I commit though to keep on keeping on regardless of what happens to my wishes. I survived my first nursing adventure anyway even though those wishes remained wishes until the end.

It also helps that I keep a journal or blog about my experiences as a mom. Reading my previous experiences and insights from my blog help a lot. They remind me of the lessons I learned in the past so that I would remember to put them into practice once more as I face challenges now.

I know that previous success does not guarantee current success. The knowledge though that I’ve been successful doing the same task before gives me greater confidence, courage and strength to face my present challenges. Knowing that I’ve been there before and I have emerged victorious makes a lot of difference. It doesn’t make things easier; however, it gives me hope that I can also win over my current challenges. To learn more about how I won over my breastfeeding challenges in the past, check out my article in my blog.