Learn How to be a Hands-On Parent while Earning at the HOPE Summit 2017

Do you ache to bond with your child/children but could not, because you are too busy at work or in your business?

Do you want to know how you can be a hands-on parent even when you feel that you don’t have enough time in your hands to make that happen?

Do you want to learn how to achieve balance in juggling your time between being a parent and an employee/freelancer/entrepreneur?

Do you want to be successful both in your family life and in your career/business?

Do you want your visions for your family life and finances to become your reality?

Do you need help in structuring your time so that you can spend your precious time bonding with your child/children and still move closer if not achieve your finance goals?

I have great news for you, fellow parents! We're having the second run of the Hands-On Parents while Earning (H.O.P.E.) Summit on April 22, 2017, at the Bulwagang Haribon, Insular Life Corporate Center in Alabang. It's a whole day workshop where parents like you and me will have a lot of opportunities to learn.

God gave me this burden in my heart to ache for families who are disconnected and children are lost and confused because their parents are not able to connect with them and guide them well in their growing up years. I'm thankful to God that He gave me the grace to do something to help solve this problem in our society one family at a time through my iHOPE Coaching Program and through the H.O.P.E. Summit.

Here are the 5 main benefits that parents can get out of this learning event/workshop.

1. Parents will have an opportunity to clarify their priorities at this time in their life and align their schedules with their priorities.

   People sometimes think that they know their priorities. But surprisingly, when I run these workshops, people take some time before they are able to write down and rank the top 5 things that are important to them. Moreover, during my workshops, they discover that they are not using their time wisely so that it reflects their priorities in life. Thus, with these realizations, my participants usually become eager to learn strategies and tips that would enable them to live out their priorities through better use of their time.

2. Parents will learn to come up with a list of new habits that they can easily and consistently implement after the workshop so they can be more involved in their children’s lives.

   I like handling workshops because I like my participants to learn by doing. It's a better way to help them learn. Through the exercises that I ask my participants to answer, they get insights into their own lives. The exercises also help them to use the strategies and tips that I share with them. That's the advantage of workshops over seminars only where the speaker just talks and the audience simply listen. That is also why I do my best to make my learning events interactive. We learn more by doing.

3. Parents will discover ways to work smarter so they can free up more time in their schedules to bond with their children.

   I've always advocated for this. I believe that if people know how to work smarter, they would be able to maximize their time. I had been an HR practitioner for decades now. I have seen many employees work long hours but not produce the desired results required of them. I have also seen many employees work efficiently in less the time. I like hiring and keeping employees who are more productive than those who spend too much time and the company's resources but are not efficient in their jobs. I'm glad that I found a way to teach these principles and skills to parents also through learning events like the H.O.P.E. Summit.

4. Moms and dads will be inspired to be hands-on even while earning for their families and will learn tips and strategies on how to be successful in their careers/businesses through the stories of the featured moms and dads (guest panelists) in the H.O.P.E. Summit.

   Like in the first H.O.P.E. Summit, we have invited parents who are already living out the H.O.P.E. lifestyle. There will be work-from-home moms and dads and business owners in our panel again this year. I'm excited to hear their stories, strategies and tips!

5. Parents will have a chance to meet and interact with like-minded parents who also desire to become hands-on parents while earning to their children.

   On top of learning from the speakers and guest panelists, parents will also learn from their interaction with fellow parents. In HR, we call this benchmarking. Since this is a parenting event, this will be called networking with fellow parents. One of the benefits of attending workshops and learning events like the H.O.P.E. Summit is that participants learn through their discussions with fellow participants as well. Sometimes, we learn by talking about our experiences and insights more. Plus, we get inspired and encouraged when we hear the stories of other parents.

I had been running time management, goal-setting and work-life balance workshops for decades. I've always enjoyed and looked forward to these workshops because I know that every time I run these kinds of workshops, I'm making a big difference not only in the lives of my participants but also in the lives of their family members.

So, let me invite you to join me and our guest speaker and panelists at the H.O.P.E. Summit 2017. I assure you that it would not be only worth your time and investment but it would be life-changing for you and your family!

Here's a testimonial from one of the moms who attended the first H.O.P.E. Summit.

Here are some more from previous participants:

“I am inspired to pursue my dream while spending time with my kids.” – Cleesa Bumatay-Soriano

“It gave me inspiration to become the parent that has freedom from corporate work while providing for our family through an entrepreneurial pursuit I am passionate about.” – Dennis Anguluan

“The lessons are inspiring.” – Ging Jusi

Read more testimonials here.

This learning event is highly recommended for parents who:

• want to achieve, experience more, or maintain work-life balance.
• feel overwhelmed, stressed, discontented, or lacking control in their lives most of the time or a lot of times.
• want to be intentional in living their lives and want to take the necessary, concrete steps towards living the life they want or the life of their dreams.
• want to experience order in their lives.
• want to make sure they spend quality time with the people who truly matter to them.

Register here now!

I will give two talks. My talk in the morning will be How to Manage Your Time So You Can Be a Hands-On Parent while Earning. The one in the afternoon is How to Earn Full-Time Income Through Freelancing. I have been a freelance speaker, writer, editor and consultant for almost a decade now. I will be sharing tips on how parents can earn a good income while enjoying the perks of being a freelancer.

My friend Mariel's talk will be How to Practice Positive Discipline. She's also a homeschooling mom and a mompreneur like me. I'm excited to learn from her, too. Her talks on this topic were usually in Quezon City. That's why my husband and I are not able to attend most of the time. So, I took this chance to invite her to speak at the H.O.P.E. Summit which will be held in the southern part of the metro.

You can read more details about the H.O.P.E. Summit 2017 here.

Another good news is that you can still avail of the early bird rate. You can save P500 on your ticket if you buy your ticket on or before March 31, 2017. If you are coming as a couple, you save as much as P1,000!  Click here to secure your seat. If you are coming as a couple, you may get your ticket here. You can also avail of our group rate. If you are a group of four (4) parents, you can pay P8,000 only and that would be savings for each one of you. 

You can pay via Paypal (using your credit card or as a guest even if you don't have a Paypal account) or bank deposits (BPI or BDO).

The registration fee already includes the hand-outs, lunch, light snacks and giveaways from some of our sponsors. Merry Macarons will provide our snacks in the afternoon.

More Reasons to go to #HOPESummit2017

The first 20 parents to register and pay will receive a gift certificate worth P3,000 from Kids Acts Philippines, a performing school for kids who love theater. Noel Comia Jr. who won in the previous Aliw Awards and a semi-finalist in The Voice Kids PH was trained in this theater group. This is timely since it's almost summer time and theater classes will start soon.

We are giving out Hands-On Parent while Earning customized bags to the first 20 parents who will register and pay. This is courtesy of our sponsors My Little Ikbi. This bag would be perfect for the giveaways that participants will get from our sponsors like Moringana and Shepherd's Voice Publications.

Insular Life is also giving away one (1) storybook per parent who will attend the event.

We will also raffle off books from Shepherd's Voice Publication and gift certificates from Kindermusik by Teacher Suzette and Friends.

We encourage you to register for the H.O.P.E. Summit 2017 before we run out of slots. Register here now.

This event is co-presented by Full Life Cube and Insular Life. It is supported by Payoneer, Shepherd's Voice Publication, My Little Ikbi, Kindermusik by Teacher Suzette and Friends, Moringana, Merry Macarons, Mom & Milly Educational Toys, KANSIS Made, Experience of a Super Mommy, Lally's Reflections, Mommy Bares All, Mommy Practicality, My Metro Lifestyle, My World by Mommy Anna, Roller Coaster Ride, Seminar Philippines, The Filipino Homeschooler, The Vine that Writes and WhenInManila.com.

See you at the HOPE Summit 2017!

The Difficulties of Being Gifted - Confessions of a Gifted Parent with Gifted Kids

People think that being gifted makes one's life easy. The truth is that gifted people also have their share of difficulties.

Let me share some examples with you.

I had not been sleeping well for the past nights. I wanted so much to sleep early. But I couldn't. Why? I found it hard to make my brain stop working. My brain has been so active. I could not fall asleep even though my body was exhausted. I had so many ideas. I wished I had a wire or something that allows my brain to transfer those thoughts to my computer so I would remember all those ideas the following day and I could sleep soundly at night.

It's great to have a lot of wonderful ideas for upcoming work projects. But it gets overwhelming and I wish that they would come at a time when I'm not supposed to be sleeping already.

In fact, I'm having a headache as I write this post because I could not go back to sleep even if I want to. 

Sleep has been an elusive friend to me. I found it difficult to nap when I was still a child. When I was a child, I would just pretend that I'm sleeping and wait until I hear my grandmother snore. ;) That's the only time I open my eyes and I start moving again in my bed.

When I became an adult, there were many nights when I experienced insomnia.  

Thus, I'm not surprised that my kids are not the type who easily fall asleep whether in the afternoon for naps or at night. Like me, they have a lot of ideas going on in their heads. Or they'd rather read than sleep.

In spite of this knowledge and the struggles, I still do my best to help my kids get as much sleep as they can. I don't force my eldest who is now 8 years old to take a nap, except when I know that he is under the weather. But I still require my younger kids to take a nap. If they really could not fall asleep in the afternoon, I just ask them to read quietly in their beds. Now, reading is something that they can obey easily. But "quietly" is another story!

Another difficulty of the gifted is knowing things that are not pleasant (to say the least) because the gifted are highly intuitive and insightful. Gifted people may have the ability to read or identify other people's motives and intentions even if these people try their best to hide these. I have personally experienced this countless times. I am amazed at how correct my intuition is a lot of times. But this is not always a positive experience because some of the things I notice or realize can cause me to be disappointed, hurt, angry or sad. It doesn't help that gifted people are also extra sensitive.

There are many other difficulties that gifted people deal with on a daily basis. But I will just mention one more which I and my gifted kids need to deal with daily: containing and managing our big emotions. 

Gifted people are quite intense. We usually have big emotions. I used to think that I can do a good job at handling my emotions. But when I became a parent of gifted kids, I discovered that dealing with my kids and the chaos that they bring into our home can overwhelm me many times during the day. I lose my temper at least once a day. The very organized me gets easily annoyed and overstimulated by my very messy, imaginative and kinesthetic kids. That is why "Slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love" has been my mantra for years now. That means I have a lot to improve on in this area. And that's not just for me but for my kids also. The more that I learn to manage my big emotions even when I'm triggered by their noise and mess, the more effective I will be in helping my kids learn to manage their own emotions. I think this is one of my most difficult challenges at this point in my life as a parent.

Last night, I read a blog post that reminded me to parent with grace rather than anger. I think I really need a lot of that... grace. I realized that it's not easy to control these intense emotions even when you are already aware of your tendencies. I'm doing my best to practice restraint and to be more mindful. I'm also doing my best to teach my kids to be more considerate of the people around them, I included. 

So, are you surprised to read about these difficulties that gifted people experience? Find out more as you read the entries of the other bloggers in our blog hop here. 

My Mommy is Famous: A Book That Made Me Cry

I was in a bookstore and looking for a certain book that I wanted to buy for my kids. While going through the display of books, I saw this book (My Mommy is Famous) and immediately picked it up. I leafed through the pages quickly to see what it is all about. As soon as I got the gist of the story, I decided not to let it go. Yes, I bought it that day even though it was not part of my plan. I still found and bought the book I really wanted to buy. But I added this gem that I found because the story resonated with me.

When I first read the book to my kids aged 8, 5 and 2, there were parts when I could no longer read well because I could not help but cry. I could very much identify with the mom in the story. The other day, I read it again to my kids before their nap time, along with other books. Still, I could not help but break into tears. Well, not as much as the first time, but my eyes welled up fast just the same.

The book My Mommy is Famous and a calendar with Mama Mary in the cover. Mama Mary is one of my role models on motherhood.

Let me tell you why.

The mom in the story is a hands-on mom to her daughter. She did not get a nanny or yaya for her because she wanted to personally take care of her. She attends to her needs. Towards the end of the story, it was revealed that she left her prestigious and high-paying job to focus on motherhood. Her child, at first, did not understand this. She was wondering why she didn't have a yaya and was even envying her classmates who had nannies. But in the end, she realized that she is one blessed child for her mom chose her over her own career.

That's where I always get emotional. When the mom explains to her child why she doesn't have a yaya and when the child finally understands why and appreciates her mom for all that she does for her.

If you have been following my blog, you would know by now that we have a similar story. I also resigned from my prestigious and high-paying job so I can focus on my family. I made this decision a few months after I got married. When I tendered my resignation, I didn't know that I was already pregnant. Actually, it was also the beginning of February when I did that. Weeks after that, we found out that I was pregnant with our first child. I really felt led to make that decision because I was put on bedrest as soon as my pregnancy was confirmed.

Since then, I did not work outside the home anymore as an employee. I only accepted freelance projects or gigs mainly because I wanted to ensure that majority of my time is spent building our growing family and investing in my relationship with my husband and children. I wanted to build a strong foundation for my family and since we were newly married then and our firstborn was on the way, I concluded that that's the best decision to make.

Fast forward to several years later, I'm still working from home and doing home-based business for the same reasons. My kids are still young and need much attention. I want to be present to them most of the time during their formative years. I want to be part of their childhood memories. I want to take an active role in their values and character formation. I want to be the primary influence in their young and tender lives. I want to give them the best care and education we can afford. That meant I would be the primary caregiver and teacher.

One of my latest photos with my 3 kids, all boys.

I liked how the book helps kids understand the lesson in the story and the love and devotion that the mom has for her child. I liked that it helped me communicate and share with my own kids my own reason for choosing to be a hands-on mom to them. The other day, I also emphasized the advantages of having their own mom take care of them as opposed to having a yaya. We've had our own experience of having helpers at home. Their main job is to do household chores. Then, when I get tired taking care of my kids and when I need to work on my laptop in my home office, I let them watch over the boys while I do my job. But these maids proved to be unreliable even for a short while. I would find them just talking to each other and not really engaged in play with my kids or ignoring the kids.

One time, I was surprised to see my kids already climbing our gate while the two maids were chatting with each other. Good thing that I got curious when my kids' voices got a bit loud. This prompted me to look outside the window of my home office and I saw my boys up on our gate. I rushed downstairs and out into our garage and hurriedly put my boys down. I reprimanded the maids for not keeping the boys safe. Their excuse, the boys would not listen when they told them not to climb. Hello! Those are kids! They do no grasp yet the danger of what they were doing. That is why they need to be supervised by adults. That is why I asked the maids to watch over them because I wanted their eyes on them while my eyes were on my work. Sigh.

After several occasions of these maids not really being responsible either with household chores or with occasional child care, I fired them. Actually, even when we had maids, I still do almost everything for the kids. I feed them, breastfeed them, put them to sleep, read books to them, bathe them, teach them, etc. The maids simply assist in cutting their food, cleaning their toys and in watching over the other kids when I am attending to another.

So, these days, when I need to work and the kids are awake, I simply make them play near me where I could easily glance at them and hear them while they are busy playing. At least now I know that they are truly safe.

I don't know if we will ever find a reliable maid in the future. But one thing I'm sure of is that I love being a hands-on mom to my kids and I think I'm going to stick to this lifestyle as long as God permits. It's not easy, but it's surely rewarding. I think that as my kids grow older, they are beginning to understand and realize the value of my devotion and the sacrifices that I do for them. Maids come and go but I will always be here for them as long as I'm alive. Most of all, nothing can be compared to a mother's love and devotion for her children. I think it's the best kind of love next to God's love for us. Do you agree?

I highly recommend this to moms who have a similar story. Although the mom in the story had great achievements and was famous, I think ordinary moms can relate to her reason for choosing to leave her job to prioritize being a hands-on mother to her child. I'm glad that I found this book by Lampara Books. It's part of the Kuwentong Nanay Series. I plan to check out the other titles in the series, too.

Do you have other recommendations of good books about motherhood that can help us parents teach kids to value what their mothers do for them? Feel free to share with me in the comments. I would love to discover more wonderful books. Reading is one of my favorite bonding activities with my kids who are also bookworms like me.

Parenting Goals for the Year #BigGoals2017

People with goals succeed because they know where they are going.

- Earl Nightingale

It's the first month of a brand new year. People are usually busy these days planning for the new year. Have you done your own planning? Have you defined your goals for the year? If not, it's not yet too late. I believe that it's better to take it slow.

It's best to make sure that we are pursuing the right goals before we get busy pursuing them.

Let me share some of my BIG GOALS as a parent for 2017.

Goal #1 Be a better parent by improving in the area of handling my emotions when my kids do not obey me and the rules that we have set.

Actually, I have made it my goal years ago to live out this Bible verse:

"Slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love."

I have not been very good at being slow to anger. So, I make it my goal year after year to get better and better at it. There were many times in the past year that I felt frustrated getting the kids to listen and obey. Having no household help to assist me in managing the house and caring for the children made things extra challenging.

My kids are not the typical obedient kids who immediately obey those who are older than them or those who are in authority. Obedience is not their greatest strength. Proactivity, creativity, curiosity, quick thinking, intelligence, humor, persistence, strong will, high energy... these are words that describe them most of the time. Obedient, not always.

They like to challenge the rules. Following or doing other people's agenda is not something very interesting for them unless you are able to explain to them how it aligns with their interests or agendas. They usually have their own plans and are bent on executing them. They are not the type who will ask for permission to do what they want to do. They will simply set out to do what they want to do. Sadly, they sometimes ignore the rules or reminders given to them.

In truth, these are good traits. These are good characteristics of people who can be leaders.

But it's difficult when those who have these traits are 8 years old and under. I am concerned for their safety. I also want them to learn to respect and obey those in authority.

I tend to clash a lot with my kids... especially with my eldest son who has high intensity and who has a stubborn will just like me. My Powerful Choleric personality type finds it difficult to parent kids who are like them.

I have shared this difficulty with our developmental pediatrician already many years ago when I noticed these traits in my eldest son. He said that these are typical of gifted kids. He advised that parents be consistently firm to help kids learn to adhere to the rules and to obey those in authority.

Over the years also, I have learned to choose my battles so that we don't always go through a battle of the wills. When it will not put our lives in danger and our values are not compromised, I do my best to give them as much freedom and independence.

Goal #2 Make more happy memories with the kids by traveling with them or having vacations with them at least once a quarter.

This was one of my goals last year and we actually went beyond my target. if you've read my previous post on my blessings in the past year, bonding activities with my kids were one of those in my list. Since we had a lot of fun last year going places, I've decided we'll do the same this year. This is one goal I am very excited with for this year.

We've already booked last year our first hotel stay out-of-town for the first quarter of 2017. I'm still thinking where to go for the second quarter and the rest of the year.

Goal #3 Finish and publish at least one book for parents.

I believe that the lessons that we learn from our life experiences are only for our benefit. I believe that the insights that we gain from our life experiences are meant to help and bless the people around us, too. That is why I love sharing my stories here on my blog, in the articles I write for other publications, in my books, in my talks, training programs and workshops.

This year, I want to finally finish one of my pending manuscripts. I have already designed the book cover. I have printed it and posted it on the wall of my home office so that I am reminded every day that I have to finish this book. Let me share it with you.

Last year, I published and launched one book also, my very first children's book titled Mommy Loves You Just the Same. It was a daunting goal. But by the grace of God, it was achieved. It was another dream come true!

This year, although my situation hasn't changed. We still do not have a stay-in household help. But I claim that I can do achieve all these goals with the strength of Christ. I know that God will make a way. That He will help me make things happen. Why? First, because I have seen Him do this many times in the past for me. Second, because my intentions are good and these will not only benefit me but many people.

I may have BIG GOALS that seem difficult to achieve. But I have a BIGGER GOD who makes ALL things possible!

That's why my OneWord for this year, 2017, is BELIEVE.

BELIEVE in God more.
BELIEVE in myself more.
BELIEVE in others more.
BELIEVE in more possibilities.
BELIEVE that more and bigger miracles are on their way to me.
I choose to BELIEVE that the best is yet to come! 

This was inspired by the Bible verse, "I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." - Psalm 27:

How about you? What are some of your big goals this year? Do you also have a One Word for the year? Or a guiding verse? Feel free to share these in the comments. Let's cheer each other on!

If one of your goals this year is to be a better parent by spending more quality time with your kids and still finding time to achieve your career or business goals, check out my iHOPE Online Coaching Program. You may read the details here.

'Nay, magpapasukan na!

“Nay, masikip na ang palda ko.  Hindi na kasya sa baywang saka sagad na ang tahi sa laylayan.  Paano ‘yan?  Magpapatahi na ba tayo ng bago kong palda sa pasukan?”

“Pwede pa ‘yan.  Pagagawan natin ng paraan sa mananahi,” sagot ni Nanay.

Ha? Ano pa kayang paraan ang naiisip ni Nanay para magamit pa uli sa pasukan ang pinagkaliitan ko nang palda.  Nagsimula itong may malapad na tupi sa laylayan noong bagong tahi pa.  Taon-taon, inuurong ang tupi dahil tumatangkad ako.  Pero, katulad nga ng sabi ko, ngayon ay wala nang tuping pwedeng tastasin.

Kinuha ni Nanay ang aking palda at itinabi para dalhin sa kapitbahay naming mananahi.  Pagkatapos ay sinimulan na namin ang isa sa aming mga tradisyon tuwing bago magpasukan.

Tiningnan namin isa-isa ang mga kwaderno (o notebook) na ginamit ko at ng nakababata kong kapatid noong nakaraang pasukan.  Maingat naming tinanggal ang mga alambre (o spring).  Hiniwalay ang mga may sulat sa mga wala pang sulat.  Pagkatapos pinagsama-sama namin ang mga natirang mga pahina para bumuo ng mga bagong kwaderno.  Tinatahi ni Nanay isa-isa ang mga bagong kwaderno mula sa mga hindi nagamit noong nakaraang pasukan.  Tapos binabalutan ko naman ito ng mga pambalot ng regalo at plastik para magmukang bago at para hindi madaling madumihan o masira.

Bago rin magpasukan, iniinspekyon namin ang mga dati naming sapatos.  Kadalasan, wala kaming sapat na pera para bumili ng bago taon-taon. Kaya ang ginagawa ni Nanay dati, pinapapalitan lang niya ang swelas o ilalim dahil iyon naman ang madalas na unang nasisira.  Pinapalitan na lang ang sapatos namin kapag nasira na ang itaas, halimbawa ay nabiak na o nabutas.  Kaya palagi naming nililinis at pinakikintab ang sapatos namin para hindi madaling masira agad ang balat.

Isa pang paraan ng pagtitipid na ginagawa ni Nanay tuwing bago magpasukan noong elementarya pa kami ay maghanap ng mga lumang libro o second hand books mula sa mga mas nakatatandang estudyante sa aming paaralan, sa mga kapitbahay namin na mas nakatatanda o sa mga tindahan sa Recto.  Hangga’t maaari hindi kami bumibili ng bagong textbook kung mayroon naman kaming mahihiraman o mabibiling luma para mas makatipid.  Iyong mga workbook lang ang binibili ng bago dahil kailangan itong sagutan.

Mahigit dalawang dekada na ang nakaraan mula ng magtapos ako sa elementarya ngunit sariwang-sariwa pa rin sa aking alaala ang mga ginagawa naming paghahanda noong bata pa ako tuwing malapit na magpasukan.  Hindi ko mapigil na mangiti at matawa lalo na nang maalala ko kung paano ginawan ng paraan ni Nanay at ng kapitbahay naming mananahi ang akala ko ay hindi ko na maisusuot na palda. 

Dahil wala na ngang remedyong magagawa sa laylayan dahil sagad na ang tahi, dinugtungan ng mananahi sa baywang ang luma kong palda.  Ginawan niya ng bagong paha at dinugtungan ng halos kakulay na tela.  Iyong dating nasa baywang ay binawasan ng bahagya at napunta na sa may bandang balakang dahil sa ginawang dugtong.  Hindi naman daw halata kasi mahaba ang aking blusa!

Nakakabilib talaga si Nanay! Katulad ng maraming ina, tunay siyang maparaan!

Buti na lang maabilidad at maparaan si Nanay!  Dahil sa katangian niyang ito, nakapagtapos ako ng elementarya sa isang pribadong paaralan.  Ang kanyang halimbawa ng pagpupursige at sipag ay naging inspirasyon ko upang maging isang masikap, masipag at responsableng mag-aaral.  Tinuruan niya akong maniwala na hindi hadlang ang kahirapan upang makamit ang iyong mga pangarap.  Katulad nga ng sabi sa kasabihan, nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa.  Ginawa ng aking mga magulang ang lahat ng kanilang makakaya upang mapagtapos ako ng pag-aaral.  Hindi naging madali para sa aming lahat ang mga taong iyon na nag-aaral pa ako. Maraming sinakripisyo ang aking mga magulang para matupad ang aming pangarap pero sulit naman lahat ng iyon tuwing aakyat kami sa entablado taon-taon para tanggapin ko ang aking medalya bilang Top 1 o First Honor at nang mag-gradweyt akong Valedictorian sa elementarya, nang ako’y makapagtapos sa high school sa isang paaralang ekslusibo para sa mga babae na may Academic Excellence Award, at higit sa lahat nang ako’y magtapos sa kolehiyo sa Unibersidad ng Pilipinas sa Diliman.

Magpapasukan na naman.  Hindi ko mapigil na hindi maalala ang mga magaganda at masasayang alaala ng aking pagkabata at buhay estudyante lalo na noong ako’y nasa elementarya pa.  Masaya ako noon kahit mulat ang aking mga mata sa kahirapan ng aming pamilya.  Masaya ako dahil itinataguyod ako ng aking mga magulang para magkaroon ng magandang kinabukasan sa pamamagitan ng magandang edukasyon.  Masaya ako dahil mayroon akong mga kaibigan noon na hindi pansin kung bago ba o luma ang aking uniporme at sapatos.  Masaya ako noon dahil may mga guro akong naniniwala sa aking talino at kakayahan kahit na ako’y mahirap lang.

Pero mas masaya na ako ngayon dahil sa aking pagtityaga, disiplina, suporta ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin at sa tulong ng Diyos, naabot ko ang bawat pangarap na pinangarap ko simula nang una akong natutong mangarap.

Magpapasukan na!  Dalangin kong mas marami pang batang mahirap ang matutong mangarap at mabiyayaan ng mga magulang na tulad ng mga magulang ko… lalo na ng tulad ng Nanay ko!  

Happy Birthday, 'Nay!

My Mom and I at Hotel Kimberly last year
where we had an advance Mother's Day celebration.

* This was first published at POC as a Mother's Day post.  

Tips on How to Prepare a Child to Be an Older Sibling

He was used to being an only child. For three years, he had my undivided attention. We had a lot of time bonding with each other through play, conversations, books, storytelling, crafts, music time, dates, etc. He certainly was the apple of my eye. 

Then, I learned that I'm pregnant again. 

I did my best to still bond with him a lot and assure him that I still love him just the same. I searched big brother books that I can read to him. I was grateful I found one. 

I talked to him about his baby brother in my womb. I let him play music and sing songs to him. 

I brought him with me in my monthly visits to my ob-gynaecologist. We let him join us in some of the ultrasound sessions. 

He seemed excited and adjusting well to his role of becoming a big brother.

Then, it was time for me to give birth to my second child. My eldest son stayed at my parents' house. He slept with my parents when I went to the hospital. It was a difficult time for him. He was not used to sleeping without me by his side. He cried a lot during the nights that I was in the hospital going through labor and recuperating from childbirth.

But he was happy when he saw me again and his baby brother when he visited us in the hospital.

Two weeks after I gave birth, he acted differently. My usually active and talkative little boy didn't have the energy to play. He didn't want to eat or drink. He was not talking. He just kept sleeping and lying in bed. I knew something was wrong. I thought that he was sick but he didn't have any fever or was not showing signs that he was in pain.

A few days later, he was so weak. My husband decided to bring him to the hospital already.

His pediatrician had him confined. He was put on IV. He still didn't talk or eat or drink. He was still quiet and looked sad. He lost a lot of weight.

The doctors could not find any reason for his loss of appetite or "sickness" other than probably his difficulty in adjusting to our new normal in the family. He now has a baby brother. He's no longer an only child. His mommy is busy caring for another child. His mommy is breastfeeding another baby. 

He was not suffering from physical pain but he was going through an emotional pain... something that he could not articulate. Something he was not prepared to process or express.

He must have been depressed at that time. 

My poor little boy... I thought he was ready for this change but he was not.

It was a painful time for me as a mother. I was not even able to visit him in the hospital because I needed to stay with his baby brother. It was only my husband and my mom who stayed with him in the hospital. I stayed home to recuperate and take care of the new baby.

I did my best to give him extra attention. I tried to be extra understanding and patient with him. I tried to do the same things we used to do so he would feel that my love hasn't changed.

Eventually, he started eating again. He started talking and playing again. He was the loving and helpful big brother again to his younger sibling.

He would sing songs to him. He would read his books to him. He talks to him and shares some of his toys with him. He helps take care of him by rushing to get new diapers or getting some of the things of the baby and bringing them to me.  

I'm so thankful that my eldest child eventually recovered from that emotional turmoil. 

Almost three years later, I got pregnant again. My eldest son will become a big brother for the second time. My second child will no longer be the baby. He will now be a big brother.


I didn't want any or both of them to go through depression again or to get sick after I give birth. 

How can I assure them of my unchanging love? How can I prepare them for their upcoming sibling? 

I thought that I should tell them often that I love them just the same. But how do I remind myself or ensure that I tell them these words often when I have a lot to do and prepare for the coming of our new baby?

Since I had been writing poems almost all my life, I wrote a poem with this title: Mommy Loves You Just the Same.

I drew inspiration from my bonding times with my kids.

I read the poem often to them, daily at least.

I believe that the poem helped my older kids prepare for the coming of their baby brother. My second child did not get sick after I gave birth even though he and his eldest brother were also crying a lot while I was in the hospital during childbirth and on the nights that followed.

I'm so glad things were better this time around.

Then, a dream was planted in my heart. What if we make this poem into a children's book? Why not?

Before my youngest child turned one year old, I found an artist who was willing to collaborate with me in making this dream a reality. On May 19, 2016, Thursday, we will be launching my first children's book! A dream that was planted in my heart because of my experience as a mother. It's like I'm giving birth again. But this time to a book and not to a child. 

Click here to order a copy of Mommy Loves You Just the Same.

My excitement is shared by my two older children who were my inspirations in writing this children's book. They were the ones who first heard this story and who first benefitted from it. 

Are you a pregnant mom who is looking for resources that would help your older child prepare to be an older sibling? Or did you just give birth recently or a few months ago to a new baby and you need help in assuring your older child that your love for him/her remains the same? 

I recommend this book to you, not because I wrote it, but more because I know that it would be a good tool that you can use in your motherhood journey. One of my goals in writing this children's story is to help families adjust as their families grow. That's why I asked our illustrator to make coloring pages for the kids, too. I wanted to give the kids something that would further help them remember the lessons in the book. 


Before I end this post, let me share some tried and tested tips that could help prepare a child to be an older sibling.

1. Stop calling the child "baby". We used to call our second child "baby". But when we got confirmation from my ob-gynaecologist that I'm pregnant again, we started calling our second child by his first name. I also instructed our maids then to stop calling him a baby. Instead, we made him proud to be called a big brother or "Kuya".

2. Deliberately spend more quality time with the older child/children. This is one way to make deposits in your child's emotional bank account in preparation for the times when you will be away from him/her. During my previous pregnancies, I did my best to spend as much time as I possibly can to do arts and crafts with them and to have dates with them. Even when I was on bedrest and after giving birth, I would regularly read-aloud books to them. This poem/story was one of those that I read to them.

3. Give your child/children ideas on how they can bond with you while you are pregnant and with their baby brother while still in your womb and after you give birth. Aside from suggesting to my kids what they can do, I let them come up with their own ideas on how they can help me take care of their baby brother. You'll be amazed at how loving and helpful kids are!

4. Make their birthday before you give birth extra special. On their last birthday before becoming a big brother, I always go out of my way to make these celebrations memorable. I want these events to help make them feel important and special. You may read about my second child's birthday party here. If you don't want to throw a party, you can get some ideas here in my other blog post wherein we had a simple celebration for our eldest son.  

Hope these tips help you and your family! I also hope that you can join us in our virtual book launch on Thursday! We're giving away exciting prizes to those who will pre-order a copy of Mommy Loves You Just the Same. Click here to read more about these. 

Some of the prizes we're giving away during the launch.

How did you prepare your child/children to become older siblings? Feel free to share your own tried and tested tips by leaving a comment on this blog post so we can help more families.
   

How do I love you, my children?

I love you by enduring the cold and pain on my back as the air conditioner blows. I could not turn it off because you perspire even in cold temperature and especially when you snuggle close to me.

I love you by giving up precious sleep just to let you breastfeed as much as you can all through the night... I would have loved to sleep uninterruptedly but I chose to show you my love by allowing you to disturb me from my sleep.

I love you by forcing myself to get up this morning to think of what you can eat so you don't go hungry. I do this in spite of my terrible headache.

I love you by forcing myself to get up and prepare your food even though I'm suffering from severe pains on my neck, back and hips.

I love you by forcing my hands to have the strength to hold the bread knife and bread just to make you a sandwich even though I could hardly sit up because of my body pains.

This is how your mother loves you. 

One day, I hope God the Father would let you know that that's how your mother loved you when you were small, when there was no one else who did these things to you but her... When no one else cared enough not to let you go hungry, not only on Valentine's Day but every single day of your young life.

God Always Makes a Way for His Words to Come True

At the start of the year, God told me that I can again pursue my dream of publishing at least one book this year. I was hesitant at first, knowing how busy my schedule is. But I claimed it and listed it in my Novena to God's Love again. (You may read my blog post about dreams and how the Novena to God's Love has helped me make my dreams come true in the past years here.)

I'm not yet through planning for my dreams and goals this year. But I was starting to feel discouraged yesterday and the other day because there's simply a lot that a mom like me with three small children needs to do daily. Homeschooling two kids with different grade levels, breastfeeding a toddler who recently turned one and is teething, caring for them daily, managing a household and an online business, maintaining blogs and trying to finish some backlogs from last year are what fill up my hours each day. Yesterday and the other day, I began wondering, "How can I write and finish at least one book with this?" I felt that I was just too busy to squeeze in that dream and goal into my already full schedule. I was wondering how God can make a miracle out of my situation again.

Then, God answered me this morning during my prayer time with this:

"Just because you don't see a way 

doesn't mean I don't have a way." 

Wow! Isn't that great? God read my mind once more! And He answered me clearly and powerfully in a way I could not doubt His voice!

That's all that I needed to be encouraged and empowered to act on my dream and goal again. It was a very timely reminder to me to just keep putting one foot forward and make even baby steps of faith to move closer to my dream.

I excitedly shared about this on my Facebook account and said that I'm targeting to launch at least one book on Mother's Day this year.

Then, I followed up a potential artist who can do the illustrations for one of my children's stories. In minutes, I got the answer that I've been praying for! She confirmed that she will do the illustrations for my upcoming book Mommy Loves You Just the Same! I am beyond thrilled and happy! hahaha God just made a way for me again! I can't help but be amazed! Thank you so much, Lord! 

I'm so excited to see my story come alive in her illustrations! This storybook is special to me because I wrote it for my two older children while I was pregnant with my third child. We were preparing for the coming of our third baby and I wanted to make the two older boys especially my second child that I love them just the same even though they will have another brother.

Moreover, I wanted to continue my breastfeeding advocacy through this book. I think this is a perfect accompaniment or follow up to my book BREASTFEEDING: A Journey Worth Taking because I want to show in the illustrations that breastfeeding/tandem feeding has helped my sons in their transition to becoming big brothers. This is something that most books on becoming an older sibling did not show. Thus, I am so happy and I feel so blessed to have found an artist who is also a breastfeeding mom like me. I believe that she is the perfect artist for this story of mine.

Oh, before I forget, did I tell you that she's also expecting another child? Yes, she's pregnant now with her second child. Isn't God truly amazing? This makes her understand my feelings more when I wrote my story.

I believe that it was really God who ordained our meeting last year at an event where I was invited to speak. It was a gathering of breastfeeding moms and their families and our booths were situated beside each other. We got to talk to each other and I found out that she's interested in illustrating a book. And the rest is history, or should I say His story. ;)

That's all for now. I will update you about our book in the coming days and months and I hope you'll support us in this book project. In the meantime, please pray for both of us so that we'd be able to finish this book project amid our busy schedule as moms.   

Do you also have dreams that you are unsure if you can achieve them this year because of your current situation? Don't give up right away! Look to God for inspiration and strength! 

QUICK UPDATE:
Our book is almost done! It will be launched on May 19, 2016. :) Jia is now finalizing the inside pages of our book... just doing minor edits to it before the virtual book launch. You may see the book cover and pre-order a copy when you click here. Join the virtual book launch here.