Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Carrying Him Always in My Heart

At first I felt relieved that I wouldn’t be carrying Yanthy for the meantime. He’s quite heavy now and my low back pains are killing me. I was advised recently by the doctor to refrain from lifting or carrying anything that’s heavy and that includes my baby. He also instructed me to refrain from bending or squatting. I should not sit or stand too long without changing my position every now and then to help my back muscles to heal and to prevent further damage.

My mom took over in taking care of Yanthy these past days. Thankfully, we found a new maid. Thus, I was relieved as well from doing household chores. Yanthy, however, sometimes insists to be carried by me. He simply was so used to that. It made me sad in the beginning to see him cry because I didn’t carry him. It broke my heart to see his tears falling down his cheeks while repeatedly saying, “Mom... Mom...” To comfort him, I would say, “Mommy would just embrace Yanthy since I can’t carry you.” Then, we would distract him with something else like his toys or objects in the house that he finds interesting. Eventually, his crying would stop.

It’s almost a week now since my doctor advised me of the things I can’t do for the meantime. Yanthy doesn’t cry as much or doesn’t cry anymore sometimes when he wants me to carry him and I refuse him and tell him that his grandma or our maid would carry him instead. I think he has gotten used to it somehow.

But there’s something that I realized as of late. I miss carrying Yanthy in my arms. I miss lifting him and putting him in my lap. I miss dancing with him cheek to cheek. And how can I not squat or bend whenever I am near my son? It’s almost impossible. He’s still small. I forget a lot of times that I shouldn’t be doing these things. Like Yanthy, I’m so used to being with him, doing almost anything with him. But I also know that I need to heed my doctor’s advice so I would be back in the pink of health soon. That would mean I can carry him again and there wouldn’t be as much limitations as there are now when I play with him again.

I may not be able to carry Yanthy physically these days. But I know that I carry him in my heart always. He may not understand fully now why Mommy has to temporarily stop carrying him. But I’m confident that when he grows up and I’m too old and frail, because of the strong bond that we share, he would have the confidence to think that Mom carries him always in her heart.


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