I've been struggling in the past two days. I could barely work. I could barely think about my projects without being interrupted. My eldest (a preschooler) has been missing his afternoon nap. He has been sleeping late, too. He simply doesn't want to sleep. There's so much that he wants to do (i.e read books, run around, climb anything tall or high, clean the house, arrange his books in the bookcase, etc.). My stress and struggle come from my long to-do list as a WAHM (Work-at-Home Mom). I have manuscripts to finish, articles to write, a website to build, a business to run, blogs to update, and many other things that have temporarily slipped my mind as I now type hurriedly in my laptop. I usually work while my kids sleep so when they miss their naps or sleep much later than expected, my work schedule gets disrupted.
It's a struggle not to let the stress of deadlines turn me into one cranky mom. It's a struggle to remain positive and hopeful that I can still finish the work that I have committed to do without any hesitation to stamp my name on it given my very limited time.
I struggle because I know that these other work-related things I'm busy with are aligned with my passions and are dreams that God has planted in my heart.
Today, as I struggled, I whispered Nehemiah prayers to God in between games and conversations with my kids, managing our household, and trying to accomplish some work.
And this is what God inspired me to ponder on as my manuscripts continue to be drafts, my ideas for future articles remain notes in my notebook, my website a work in progress, and my communication plan to my clients a plan in my head.
So amid my struggles, I carried this thought in my mind the whole day. It somehow helped me stress less about my deadlines and worry less about not achieving my work goals. My heart is not totally at peace but I am calmer.
I thank the Lord for reminding me that I'm a Mom first and that it's only after I have done my duties as a Mom that I can work on my tasks as a WAHM. I was reminded of the right order between my roles and this helped me put things in perspective. It reminded me that I'm more at peace, more confident and focused in working at my WAHM projects when I'm satisfied with how I have performed my Mommy duties.
This is not an easy road for me to take; for I'm the kind of person who takes deadlines and goals set seriously. I guess God is teaching me humility and surrender these past days. He must be reminding me that it is only by His grace that I can still finish all the things/projects I have started and still fulfill my duties as a wife and mother. He must be asking me to let go of my planned outcomes and timetables so He can take over and give me the best outcomes possible.
How's my day so far? Still busy. At some points, I felt that all the concerns in my head (domestic and work concerns combined) are driving me crazy. So I paused and prayed Nehemiah prayers again just to keep me going and to keep my calm.
How did I manage to write this post? I let my kids sing and dance their heart out to Hillsong and Don Moen music while playing some musical instruments. I let them play some imaginative game. Like right now, they are imagining that the cover of our woven hamper is their boat and they are sailing from one island to the next. I admit that it's extra challenging to write or think when the kids walk up to me every now and then and there's so much noise in the background. It's harder to focus on the work that I need to do or finish when I'm keeping an eye on the kids as they go around our house, climb up furnitures and fixtures or make a mess. I guess that's what makes me more desperate for God's grace and mercy. I guess these challenges are God's ways of bringing me to a very good place... a place where He can work more miracles in my life both as a Mom and Work-at-Home Mom. Thus, for all these struggles and challenges, I still give Him thanks and praise!
Are you a Work-at-Home Mom, too? What are you struggling with lately?
Note: I'm linking this post to the Catholic Bloggers Monthly Link-up Blitz for April.