My husband and I decided that we’ll reflect on the five sorrowful mysteries this holy week beginning today. So, I read about Jesus’ agony in the Garden of Gethsemane again and pondered on His experience. Then, I got one of the devotionals I’m using (A Woman After God’s Own Heart) to read the reflection for today. I was so amazed that I was led to the reflection entitled “Waiting, Wondering, Wandering.” (Elizabeth George, 2007)
Like Jesus and Mrs. George, I’m also going through a time of waiting. My husband and I are waiting for our housing loan documents to be processed, for our loan to be approved, for our condo unit to be turned over to us, for us to move into our new home. We’re waiting to find out how God would answer our prayer to help my husband find a new and better employer. I’m waiting for the right project to get myself involved with while I’m pregnant. And we’ll be waiting for around seven more months for the baby in my womb to be born into this world. These are the main things we’re currently waiting for.
I also felt I was in agony, though not to the point of sweating blood like Jesus, in the past weeks that we’ve been waiting and praying for these concerns. The words in the devotional struck a very sensitive chord in me:
“Did we get the house? Why haven’t they called? Don’t they know how anxious we are?” Waiting, wondering, wandering. That pretty sums up my life!
What are you waiting for? And are you having some doubts?
Up to this point, there are still a lot of uncertainties on these concerns I’ve shared. There are documents that we still need to submit and I’m having a hard time getting. There are challenges that surface and tempt me to wonder, doubt, be impatient and frustrated, discouraged and lose hope. There are days when I start doubting my decisions and God’s will for our family.
But God is prompt to remind me through His Word. He reminded me that the Israelites had to pass through the desert after crossing the Red Sea before they reached the Promised Land. And because they doubted and complained to the Lord, they wandered through the desert for forty years before some of them were able to enter the Promised Land.
I don’t want to wander aimlessly in the desert for forty years. So, I asked God for grace to go through my desert with faith, courage and hope in my heart. I know the Israelites’ story by heart and I know how God provided for their needs while they were wandering in the desert. But fears still fill my heart once in a while and only God’s grace keeps me going.
Today, I chose to follow Jesus’ example of coming before the Father and lifting my cares to Him. I chose to accept and embrace His will with whatever courage left in my heart. I chose to hope in Him whom I know is faithful and all powerful. I know that it will just be a matter of time and these things that we hope for will be granted if these are in accordance to His will for us. Meantime, I continue to hold on to the grace made available for us to keep us strong while passing through our desert experience. Who knows, our Promised Land could be just around the corner.